the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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