id be glad to
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
