I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
