I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
