yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
