Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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