i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
