I'm passing your future prison.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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