Do you still have your period?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
