I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
