I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
