True but thats because hes a fetus.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
