I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
