I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
even my farts smell like vagina
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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