My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
