Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
