He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
