whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
