I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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