omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
