The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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