just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
