You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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