Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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