Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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