something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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