Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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