I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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