It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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