Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
