a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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