I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
