I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
