Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry about my life...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
