I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
