my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
