I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
