I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
