what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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