these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
