New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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