hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
