my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
