Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
did you just send me my own nude
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
