I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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