the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
