i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
