Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
our cab driver is having phone sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
