Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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