Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
