Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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