wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
