why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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