i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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